As parents, we’ve all been there. At home or in a store with a child who is screaming, stomping around or throwing himself to the floor... the ever-popular and dreadful temper tantrum. Did you know temper tantrums are actually a normal way for younger children to express their emotions? It’s true. Since they can’t communicate well enough yet to say what they’re feeling, want or need temper tantrums are to be expected. Temper tantrums often start around age 1 and can last until age 2 or 3, when children begin to understand how to communicate and express their strong feelings. 

What causes temper tantrums? 

It can be frustrating for children as they learn and become more independent, because they want to do more than they can handle. This can result in an overwhelming flood of emotions that they don’t know what to do about. Toddlers may get frustrated or overwhelmed from things like: 

• Wanting to do something on their own or not being able to do what they want. 
• Testing the rules or trying to get attention. 
• Not being able to “use their words” because they don’t know how to tell you what they want or how they are feeling. 
• Not understanding what you are saying or telling them to do. 
• Transitioning from one thing to another (i.e. daycare to home). 
• Taking something away. 
• Being tired, hungry or sick. 
• Feeling worried, upset or stressed.

How to prevent temper tantrums? 

While temper tantrums can’t always be predicted, understanding when temper tantrums are more likely to occur and thinking ahead can help prevent or lessen them. 

• Don’t let your child get overtired or hungry. Kids thrive when they have schedules and routines. Try to avoid long outings and delayed meal or nap times by sticking to routines for meals, naps and bedtimes. 
• Have reasonable expectations and help your child avoid frustrations. 
• Talk about changes before they happen. 
• Talk about rules and stick to them. Consistency is key with kids. 
• Notice when your child is being good, and reward them for their good behavior. 
• Distraction! When a child is having a fit, try distracting them with a toy or going into to a different room. For example, if they’re really young, take them into another room with a window to look outside at different things.

What is the best way to handle temper tantrums? 

Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but as adults, remember we need to have patience when kids are acting irrational. By keeping your cool and remembering the following tips and tools, you should not only be able to get through temper tantrums but also help your child work through them in a healthy way.  

• Stay calm. Take deep breaths.  
• Generally ignore the child until they calm down.  However, if the child is doing something dangerous, such as running in the street, it is important to keep them safe. In these situations, it’s okay to hold them so they don’t injure themselves. Also, if your child is hitting or biting, it is important to stop that immediately as well. Kids need to learn that type of behavior and action is not okay.  
• Remove dangerous objects from the area where your child is having their temper tantrum. 
• Avoid spanking. 
• Avoid bribing or giving kids what they want.  
• Help your child calm down with a short time out.

If your child is old enough, you can talk to your child after their time out and after they’ve calmed down to help them understand why they were put in time out and why the temper tantrum happened in the first place. Avoid trying to talk through the situation with kids if they aren’t calm or don’t seem to be listening.  

Rest assured, temper tantrums are a normal part of development and you’re not alone… even when you’re in the middle of the grocery store and you think others are judging you, they’re most likely relating to you because they’ve been in the same boat as you at one time or another and they probably have compassion for your situation. If you handle the situation in the calm manner, you’re helping your family in the long run by setting a good example for your child and others.  

Temper tantrums should happen less as your child can better communicate their wants and needs. However, talk to your child’s doctor if during tantrums your child hurts themselves or holds their breath to the point of fainting, or if temper tantrums continue or get worse after age 3 or 4.